By n 14th June 2013, just two weeks after the government of Kenya initiated a policy of free maternity services in all public facilities, I lost my baby due to preeclampsia- a pregnancy-related complication characterised by high blood pressure.
This was the hardest rawest pain I had ever experienced in my entire adult life. Every pregnancy deserves a happy ending therefore, walking into the hospital very pregnant and walking out emptyhanded with leaking boobs and a CS wound is heart breaking. Click on the links below to read more about my experience.
The story behind my passion for maternal health and child mortality
My son’s death could have been prevented
Tens of thousands of families across the globe are devastated each year by the death of their baby. But the grief of these families and the value of their babies’ lives are rarely acknowledged.
October is set aside as Pregnancy and Infant Loss awareness month to promote awareness, to encourage people to talk, to honour babies who have passed and to support individuals and families whose lives are irrevocably altered by the death of their children, during pregnancy, at birth and in infancy.
My very good friend Anna lost her unborn baby on Christmas day in 2017. Almost three years down the line, she shares her innermost thoughts and feelings to her 16 weeks old present. Read on…
My Love, I have never loved someone as I loved you. When I confirmed that you are indeed coming, I was so excited, I anticipated the change you would bring in my life I lived every day of my life imaging how it would be with you in our lives-Your Dad and I. This December marks 3years since I lost you at exactly 16weeks. I miss you baby; I miss you so much. The pain is subtle, but I smile knowing God trusted me with you albeit for a short while. I knew you were a boy, ooh my sonshine! I imagined us twinning in cool vitenges God knows I still wish for this.
The ultrasounds are vivid in my mind, you loved covering your face with your fist, I pictured you at one year cheekily doing the same but all these dreams were taken away in ONE day, just a day, and I lost you, In the most painful way.
I am sorry I no longer cry for you baby but that does not mean I don’t miss you, I do, so so much, just that the pain is less because I choose to remember you with less pain and more joy of having been blessed to share life with you. I know your father misses you too. I remember vividly when I called him the day I lost you to break the news, he switched his phone off because it was too painful to even breath. He has since healed, I assume, but I know deep down, he wishes you were here with us.
To me, you are my first and my special one. The fatigues, the sleepiness nights, the cravings were all amazing experiences including the pains you brought me. I hold on dearly to them because they are all I am left with. Watch over me baby and always remember I love you.
Today my best friend asked me to write my innermost feelings as the world marks pregnancy and infant loss month. Oooh baby, I have cried, I never knew the pain was still this fresh. I miss you so much baby but hey! I am strong and I will be strong that I promise you.
I forgot to tell you, if you made it alive, you could be two years and some months old today. I love you; my 16 weeks present from God.
Warm hugs to you my friend and to everyone else who’s gone or is going through this devastating experience. Please know that you are not alone.
Photo: Pintrest.ca
To honour your baby and/or all the babies gone too soon, you can participate in the International Wave of Light by lighting a candle today, October 15th at 7 pm your local time. Keep your candle lit for at least one hour to create a continuous “wave of light” across all time zones covering the entire globe.
Do you want to share your innermost thoughts and feelings to your angel that grew wings and flew to heaven? Kindly email me on lourdes.walusala@gmail.com
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